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This article was written for Salon.com in January of 2006. I don’t think they paid me anything. We Salon bloggers were the hungry ferocious writers, rising from the masses. Traditional print media both feared us and realized they could get some free writing if they offered a little hope or even just a hint of…
So I’m reading The Book of Enoch. Why I’m doing that is complicated and I don’t want to go down that rabbit hole, so let’s just say it’s part of some, whatever, shit I’m doing right now. Anyway, so I’ve been reading this Enoch book and wow. It is a trip. There’s this favorite part…
I mean I’m used to Reggie “Freakin” Regan showing up and saving the day. That’s just the way it is with him. If you’re going to be friends with Reggie, you have to be prepared for him to be really good at all kinds of things. He can’t help it. Like the other night. We…
It’s as if P.T. Barnum had run for president years ago. Everyone knew P.T. Barnum and knew what kind of a man he was and knew how he operated, but a segment of society became convinced that P.T. Barnum was no longer P.T. Barnum but had changed into a trustworthy politician with an astonishing vision…
I went to Covenant Baptist Church on a recent Sunday morning. I stop in now and then. Their pastor just left for another church, so Covenant will have a series of guest preachers over the next few months. It’s been nine years since I left Covenant, the ministry, and subsequently the Church, if you count membership in a…
I have completed 56 trips around the Sun. I am a middle-aged man. There is no hiding that now. In my 40s I could pretend. But the number 56 and my hairline shout the reality of my place in life loudly and can no longer be ignored. I am also fully engaged with the inner…
I have to say this even if it takes away from the quality of the piece. And it does. But this is not about my actual mother. I can’t post it without saying that. I just can’t. My mom is such a sweetheart. So yeah, I just had to say that. Sorry. ~~~ Despite the…
The three sisters are four years apart in age. So we stretched out the parenting thing over quite a few years. Reiley arrived on January 27th of 1989. I remember when the last person left the hospital room and handed her to me. Jeanene was in bed sleeping the way a woman needs to sleep…
I had a vision the other day that came to me in the form of a daydream. I was sitting in the library staring off into space when suddenly I imagined myself in a huge room with a crowd of people. We were all waiting for God to show up. Some people were standing around…
Saturday I’ll be at this book festival in Dallas at the Material Media booth, signing books and networking and whatever else one does at things like this. I want to be honest about something. I don’t really want to do this. But I am trying to be more assertive about my writing and be available…
I want to tell you about my visit to the Orthodox Church on Saturday night before Easter. But I’m worried about how this might be received. So here are some things I want you to know and remember while you read. 1. The Orthodox congregation I visited responded to me in reasonable and understandable ways. I don’t think…
It’s been just shy of two years since I went to church to worship on a Sunday. It’s been seven years since I read the Bible. Both of those are astonishing to me. My Stone Edition Tanach and New Testament sit unread near my desk. Their silence and apparent lack of concern for whether or not…
I could tell you the story of how I found Carl in New Orleans, but it wouldn’t do you any good. Carl moves his shop whenever the mood strikes him. During a stretch of time in 2008 he operated out of the back of a van. If you need Carl, you’ll have to find him…
My dearest, sweet A—-. I have been absent from your life now for quite some time. I even wonder just how much of me you remember and do not expect it would be all that much. I was in the waiting room with your grandparents the day you were born and loved you as a…
Foy is now available in several e-book formats. Barnes and Noble and Google Play versions coming soon. Amazon Kindle Kobo ebook apps for most phone platforms iBooks
Author’s Note: I’ve had this sitting around for a few years. After I wrote it (and for reasons I no longer remember), I decided to turn it into a piece of fiction, which I called “True Believers.” This is the original material behind that story. —————————————– Negev Manifesto my god my god why have i forsaken…
Originally written in 2013 but never published. I got an email from a guy named Bob recently. We went back and forth a bit over a couple of days, but basically he was asking if I thought God sent Jesus into this world specifically to die for our sins. Or did Jesus come to humanity in…
I thank Mark Isaiah David for reviewing Foy at 2nd Opinion. Back in 2002, a Baptist preacher from Texas launched a blog about faith and life and humorously titled it Real Live Preacher. RLP became an internet sensation, regularly receiving hundreds of thousands of hits, continuously ranking in the top ten most-popular blogs hosted by…
After Real Live Preacher died, I started a blog called Tertium Squid. Most of the writing there reflected my wanderings – still ongoing – through the wilderness on the outskirts of the Church. I wrote there about once a month or so for a number of years. But I think that blog has run its…
TO BE RELEASED MARCH 2017 New Novel by Gordon Atkinson Foy: On the Road to Lost, to be released March 1 from Material Media. Written as a series of connected stories, Foy: A Novel by Gordon Atkinson is where we meet Baptist minister Foy Davis. From boyhood adventures in Fort Davis and Houston, Texas, to his…
The Christian Century will published one of my works of surreal fiction. These are first person fictional stories that take an odd twist at some point, whereupon the reader realizes that we’re not in Kansas anymore. A few years back I wrote a lot of things for the Century. After I left the ministry, I…
You should read the story called True Believers before you read this. I should have called Sparks before I went to New Orleans. Why? Because he’s one of those guys who just knows things. If it’s strange, unexpected, out of place, forgotten, or downtrodden, Sparks knows about it. I should have called him. I should have.…
All the metaphysical questions remain alive within me, burning and roiling. They are my birthright and will not go away. The family of questions surrounding my physical reality in this culture and world have faded and finally become almost comical, like the old silent cartoons of cats and dogs, bobbing and grinning. There is an…
This is a somewhat early RLP piece, written when I was still anonymous. I’d guess it was 2003. I met Hugh Elliott, the man who writes Standing Room Only, by email back in December of 2002 when I began Real Live Preacher. Hugh sent encouraging messages and helped me figure out the software used by…
Not really on speaking terms. I don’t go to church anymore. That’s the down-and-dirty truth of it. I don’t. And I don’t plan to go back. I don’t plan not to go back. I just don’t plan. I don’t think about it one way or the other. So that’s what it’s come to. Real Live Preacher stopped…
It often begins with crazy people. They sense a deep movement, like animals feeling a coming tsunami. They howl and emote and act out. Their gibberish is like a dream. If you took the time to listen you’d find clues to the coming storm. Then we hear from the iconoclasts. They aren’t pure in heart.…
My final entry i think i killed real live preacher i didnt mean to i thought resigning as the pastor of covenant baptist church would be its own thing i thought it would remove something from my life that had become hard heavy too much i thought i could just cut that loose and then…
Sometimes it is a good thing to give away something that hurts. I have given two such gifts in the last decade. First, I sent the small New Testament that I studied from, read personally, and used in the pulpit to someone as a gift. I wore that Bible out. Battered, beat up, filled with…
Don’t we really already have a form of socialized medicine? Is the free market really what we have now? I don’t think so. I don’t think I choose my doctor and pay for my doctor and go to another doctor if I’m not happy. Those days are long gone. We pay a kind of…
So this is something I’m mulling over: Religion is far too dangerous a thing to be offered cheaply to the masses. It’s clear to anyone with any level of education about myth, archetype, and the human psyche, that religious traditions are not only inevitable, they are of the highest value to our species. And even…
Jeanene and I were sitting in Rosario’s a few weeks ago on First Friday. That’s a street festival held in Southtown San Antonio the first Friday of each month. Artsy. Lots of hipsters. Very cool. You’d like it. We always eat at Rosario’s on First Fridays, and I always get the Fideo, which is a Mexican…
Note: Click here to read part one of this story. This is the story of how ministers find out they’re not Jesus. This is the story of hitting bottom. You start figuring out you’re not Jesus when you begin to unravel and lose the details. And if you’ve fallen into the trap of thinking you’re…
Everyone has identity issues now and again. Maybe you don’t know who you are or don’t like who you think you might be. Maybe you’re a little too close to your mother, or maybe you live vicariously through your children. Maybe you think you’re Clint Eastwood or wish you were Jennifer Lopez. The point is…
What if we suddenly saw the world with God’s eyes? What if the reality of good and evil exploded into our consciousness in a blinding flash of inspiration? What if this happened right in the middle of church? Would we fall out of our pews, bawling at our first glimpse of real beauty? Would there…
It’s year six and I am officially in the Negev now. And only now am I beginning to understand what is happening to me. I spent the first five years after I left the ministry lingering near the border, afraid to commit to the wilderness, looking back to Egypt and dreaming of halcyon days, fleshpots,…
Apparently I did not leave enough clues that this was satire. Those familiar with my writing would know, but I have word that some did not understand this and were confused. Gay marriage has been legal now for quite a few months. Thankfully, the sanctity of my own marriage seems to be holding up under…
I grew up in a world where one did not miss church on Sundays. Ever. It just wasn’t done, at least not in my family. We were among the insiders of the church who never missed, gave generously, and basically ran the show. There were lesser-committed members who attended maybe half the time. They weren’t…
Before you read this you should read “Trinket Transformation.” Saturday before last, I found a little boy under my table eating M&Ms. He was clearly eyeing my Iron Giant Action Figure. “Go ahead, you can play with it,” I said. He grabbed it and ran down the hall. I stepped to the door to watch…
I got to design my own office when we built our church four years ago. It’s a 10′ by 10′ room with floor-to-ceiling bookshelves all around, a large window and a recessed area for a computer. In the middle is a round, wooden table that seats four. It’s a tight fit, but it works. When I…
If you absolutely must rely on generalizations to feel safe in your relationships with others, at least try not to use blunt instruments like gender, skin color, affiliation with major world religions, or nationality. If you must hem your pants don’t use a crosscut saw. At least try to find some scissors. Generalizations are a…
We’d need a place for this. Hopefully a place that is beautiful. My old church would be perfect. So would the Quaker meeting house here in town. Some place like those. This place would be open for five hours on Sunday afternoons. A curator or spiritual guide would open and close each week. Come and…
Where is this Jewish troublemaker, this messiah, or king, or whatever it is he calls himself? He’s in the antechamber your grace. He has been…softened, as it were, in preparation for your interview. Bring him in. Jesus is thrown to the floor. Oh good god, they’ve overdone it. Albus this man is clearly no danger.…
The first one eased out the door after 18 months of using her bedroom as a dorm, having no curfew, coming and going at all hours, driving us crazy with worry, and losing her religion joyously, like a kid throwing confetti into the air and with no apparent shame as she said to us, “Yeah,…
And so it has come to this. I’m going to leave for awhile. For a time. For an unspecified sabbatical. Maybe forever. Who knows? It certainly has a forever feel because I’m going out into the wild woods of the world and I’m not leaving bread crumbs behind me. For now I still count myself among…
Hi God, It’s Gordon. Again. Um, you know my deal. Of course you do; I’m just saying. Hmm. Okay. I’m the worst. I mean, I know I’m not the worst; I’m exaggerating. But seriously, I am the worst at some stuff. Definitely. All the little details I miss. Definitely not a detail guy. I would…
The prayers of the people Form II in the Book of Common Prayer are beautiful if prayed with the intent to receive from God the energy and desire to make these petitions a reality in the lives of people around us. Without that intent, those same prayers become a shameful abomination, a petty and callous attempt to…
“Hey, we need a new organ.” “We sure do. And you know who has a great organ? First Baptist Church in Johnsonville. I hear their organ sounds great.” “I’ll tell you what. Let’s visit there on Sunday and listen to it. If we like the way it sounds, we’ll go back Monday night, break in,…
Our world is full of music. Filled with it. But you will have to learn to hear this music. Or rather, you will have to unlearn the annoying and persistent habit of listening so that you can hear again. And that’s not an easy thing to do. Listening is what you’ve been taught. Listening is…
Originally posted at RealLivePreacher.com in October of 2007 I saw him hitchhiking on the shoulder of I-35 the other day. He was walking with his back to the traffic and with his left thumb stuck out. This was just north of San Antonio, right near the town of Selma where the old city hall is…
This time he was under the freeway at I-10 and Wurzbach next to the guy with the walrus mustache who sells newspapers. Hitchhiking as usual. I couldn’t believe he was wearing my red Monty Python Spanish Inquisition t-shirt that my daughters gave me. It was hard as hell to pick him up too. There’s no shoulder…
Near the beginning of the Episcopal worship service we sing a hymn called The Gloria. One stanza from this song has an eerie power over me. Specifically, it’s the last three words that I cannot ignore. Lord Jesus Christ, only Son of the Father, Lord God, Lamb of God, you take away the sin of…
I am drawn to the mystery of our ancient ancestors and obsessed with their god-like silence. Having no written language they left us nothing ephemeral but instead laid a foundation of guttural sounds and gestures from which we formed our modern tongues. What they did pass on were things older and deeper than writing. Archetypal…
If I could hear just one word from you. Just one clear word and everything would change. To hear the church people talk, your words are a dime a dozen and fall like rain upon the just and the unjust. Broken souls who stumble in the church’s back door leave singing their own magnificat and I’m…
I have a problem with food. I know what the problem is. I eat compulsively. I can name the problem. I just don’t know what to do about it, exactly. Or maybe I just don’t want to do anything about it. What do I mean when I say I eat compulsively? I eat when I’m…
Being the last gasps of my dying competitive spirit Twenty-five miles in and there’s a rabbit up ahead. Some young guy with baggy shorts and a bike he got for Christmas. Look at him adjusting his ear buds. He has no idea what he has. Time for him is eternal and energy is always there for…
What you will notice first is the people. Look at them. See how they gather together in this place. Apparently this gathering ritual is a thing people do. And they are so at ease with it, gliding between the pews, exchanging greetings, having conversations before the service, waving across the room to their friends, sinking…
Some say we humans are made at the moment of conception. But I don’t agree. That’s when our bodies begin to be made, yes. But our souls are knit together in tragic and heroic moments, sometimes years before we are born, when the messages of our families are formed in the crucible of human experience.…
Sunday, 22 March in the season of Lent My God, my God, why have I forsaken You? Why have Your words, echoed through the ancient and holy Church, turned to babel in my ears? Why has my heart turned to stone? Did You harden it, as You hardened the heart of Pharaoh, for some mysterious…
I read recently that men are statistically more likely than women to be narcissists. The story was in the Washington Post and quoted an article from the journal of the American Psychological Association, so it seems to be a valid study. My own half century of interacting with men and women certainly does not represent…
When my college roommate graduated he left me two things. The first was his campus job delivering The Lariat, which is the Baylor University newspaper. Rob said it was the best campus job because they paid you three hours of work to deliver the paper, but you could do it in an hour and a…
An edited (and somewhat sanitized) version of this story was published by the Christian Century in 2017 with the title: “A story about finding a new story.” I could tell you the story of how I found Carl in New Orleans, but it wouldn’t do you any good. Carl moves his shop whenever the mood…
Monday, 2 March in the season of Lent We eucharistic visitors have no truck with theology or philosophy when we are sent out into the world with our small box filled with the consecrated elements of our shared communion. The box in which the bread and wine are carried has a handle on the top.…
Wednesday, 25 February in the season of Lent Sometimes I visit Covenant Baptist Church on a Sunday morning. Not often. A few times a year. It’s always nice. I’m happy to see my old friends and they are happy to see me. I always experience powerful feelings there. How would you describe feeling very happy…
Sunday, 22 February in the season of Lent. In the Episcopal prayers and liturgy spoken during the Eucharist can be found this delightful paragraph: At your command all things came to be: the vast expanse of interstellar space, galaxies, suns, the planets in their courses, and this fragile earth, our island home. This fragile earth.…
If I had my way the Church would never speak of hell again, having lived in a purgatory of hellish conversations, devilish manipulations, and brimstone abuses for long enough. Let’s put that one to bed. For that matter, we’ve been talking too much in general and should perhaps consider a monastic period of silence for…
Originally posted in 2008 at RealLivePreacher.com. This story may only be online for a limited time, since it will be in the new edition of Turtles All the Way Down. I got the news that a minister friend had died in Waco. He dropped dead right on the sidewalk. There was no warning. A witness…
Four years ago I was somebody. I made a lot of words in those days. I was a word maker. Talking talking talking talking. Writing writing writing writing writing. Talking and writing. In my defense, there were people who wanted to hear me. There was even a group of people who paid me to talk…
While my father was in seminary he was the pastor of New York Baptist Church, which is a country church near New York, Texas. Recently I dreamed that I was going back to New York Baptist Church for some sort of reunion. My dad and I were driving there together. New York Baptist Church was…
The old man opened the door to the cafe and stepped inside. He put one hand on the counter by the cash register and took the measure of the place. His head moved slowly back and forth, pausing as he looked at the people sitting in the tables and booths. He headed for his regular…
Today is the thirty-fifth day of Lent. I believe in one God, the Father, the Almighty, maker of heaven and earth, of all that is, seen and unseen. I believe in one Lord, Jesus Christ, the only something of God, I have no idea of the Father, something from something, I don’t know from I…
Today is the twenty-sixth day of Lent. If you are part of a religion or spiritual tradition with a bible, scriptures, traditions, steps, or any sort of received wisdom, you should embrace your tradition’s teachings with humility. And you should be encouraged to take any two doctrines and throw them out. You get two. Any…
Today is the fifteenth day of Lent. This year my Lenten journey is to be mindful of my life every day. It’s hard to explain what that means, but I know the meaning of it. This weekend Jeanene and I are taking the three sisters on a journey back in time. We go backwards in…
Today is the eleventh day of Lent. It would need to be metal, this thing that I would be an expert at repairing. And completely mechanical. There would be a power source and then one piece moving another piece until the work was done. If you broke it down to its component parts you’d have screws,…
Today is the 8th day of Lent. Over the last year I’ve become aware of a problem that I have. It’s my problem. It originates within me. It has no connection to any external reality that would indicate blame or responsibility for any person or organization outside of myself. Not only do I acknowledge that…
Today is the 7th day of Lent. How can you comprehend another culture when you are UNCONSCIOUS of your own? How can you understand others when you have NEVER tried to understand yourself? How can you know the HEART of God when you do not know your own heart?
Today is the fifth day of Lent. The following is an account of a dream I had on Saturday night, March 8th. It was the night before my first sermon in four years. Any comment is welcome as usual, but I’d like to suggest that the best response to a dream is to listen to…
Today is the third day of Lent. In the religious world of my upbringing, Satan was understood to be a real being. If you could get coordinates and had the ability to travel through space and across unknown realities, you could find Satan. Not that anyone would want to try. When I went off to…
Today is the second day of Lent. I sat alone a few rows from the front last night at Saint Francis with ashes on my forehead, still uncertain of what this year’s lenten discipline would be. Then a phrase came to me. “Be mindful.” Mindfulness is something that has been missing from my life. I…
Today is the first day of Lent. An act of kindness given from one person to another has its effect on the giver and the receiver independent of each other. If a kind act is offered and received, it flowers in the life of the one who receives it regardless of the motives of the…
Take thou thy compass and describe a circle with center point A. Let this circle be called Circle A. Neither increase nor decrease the angle of the hinge of thy compass. Let thy compass remain as it is. Now take thy compass and place the needle at any point on the circumference of Circle A.…
i let him out after 39 months in solitary i hadnt planned on it but my new friends are so nice and they asked if i would teach a bible study but just for three weeks so that was fine and of course i said okay because i like them and im happy to help…
Let me guess. You wandered into an Episcopal church and the beauty got you. The rich fabrics on the altar and the vestments on the priests make perfect sense to you, as does the fancy procession down the aisle. Of course they enter the room as if this event matters. And you like words, don’t you?…
Admittedly, setting your own beard on fire at the Easter Vigil is a lesser known ritual. Not one that many Episcopalians go through. I might be the only one person you’ve ever heard of who has done this. But given the late hour of the service, the hand-held candles, and the large number of scripture readings…
Everything that night was out of the ordinary. I was passing through La Vernia, Texas with time to kill. I don’t usually drive through La Vernia, and it’s rare that I’m on the road unless I’m supposed to be somewhere at an appointed time. It felt good to be in a small town without being…
I was in a religious service recently where some people raised their hands, closed their eyes, and swayed back and forth as they sang. This kind of thing is generally a sign that the person is either experiencing a moment of spiritual ecstasy or is seeking such a moment and hoping her body language will…
In 2012, I’ve been asked to write as the anonymous character “Pilgrim” for the High Calling. My Pilgrim Posts at Laity Lodge will not be continuing. Instead Pilgrim will tell us what it’s been like to enter the secular workforce. Greetings. You can call me Pilgrim. In 2012 I wrote a series of essays at the…
What I feel like is a man slowly drifting away from his faith. It’s not an intellectual process. My commitment to Christianity is far deeper than mind games now. My faith is of the body. And my body is telling me some things. I have no desire to pray. I have no interest in doctrinal…
A Beginner’s Guide to Becoming Episcopalian One of the first things you’re going to notice at an Episcopal worship service is all the people processing up and down the aisles. That’s how you know the service is starting. The music begins and everyone stands up, like before the bride comes down the aisle at a…
By beginner’s guide I do not mean an expert explaining Episcopalianisms to novices. I mean a guide written by one beginner for other beginners. You should think of me as perhaps a year or two ahead of you, should you make the shocking and counter-cultural decision to become an Episcopalian yourself. In fact, I’m not…
She looks good in her American casket, I think, when I pay my respects. It’s luxurious, like an RV. I find myself liking the way its big frame holds her tiny body. She lost so much weight in those last months. So this is the world without Bobbie. I don’t like the way it feels…
How you folks doing? I’m Will Bransom, pastor of acquisitions. No, I’m just kidding. I’m the pastor of outreach and evangelism. That’s a little joke around here. Ha. That’s funny. That’s funny, right Denise? No, in all seriousness, I’m so happy you’ve come by. Your card indicates that you’re interested in becoming members; is that…
I ran into this guy today who used to pop into the church now and then when I was a pastor. He was one of those guys who didn’t really know much about Christianity and didn’t seem to put much effort into it. But he talked a lot about it when he was at church.…
Because really, don’t you think it’s time to move on to more serious subjects? So my mind was made up. Destroy the little stone house. Throw the tennis ball back into the woods. Move on with my life. Find something better to write about. Something, I don’t know, theological. I do have a seminary degree.…
When I began blogging as Pilgrim, I shared with you that after I left the pastorate, I had a hard time feeling engaged with worship on Sunday mornings. I maintained a cerebral connection to Christianity, but I was emotionally numb. Nothing moved me. I wondered if this detachment might be a kind of penance that…
And now I want to tell you about another beautiful thing that I saw and experienced at Laity Loge. In July of 2012 I saw Dale Bruner’s Bible in the Great Hall. I first saw it from across the room as he was preparing to lead a session. He turned a page and I saw…
Yes, this is another post about the naked tennis ball I found at Laity Lodge. I’m going to ask you to trust me with this. I’m following my instincts. When it comes to things of the Spirit, sometimes you pay attention to what catches your eye or your heart. It is not always given that…
I went to Laity Lodge on June 7th, hoping that if I remained open and worked hard at listening, I might hear from God. What follows are excerpts from the journal I kept that weekend. Thursday – 6:00 pm As I emerge from the river, water streaming from my car onto the dusty road that…
Saturday, April 7th. Holy Saturday, the 46th and final day of Lent. Today is the final day of lent for 2012 and my 46th straight day of posting here. It was an ambitious goal, but I’m glad I tried it. Knowing I had this deadline each day caused me to shift gears and begin to…
Friday, April 6th. Good Friday. I was on my way back from the artist hermitages at Laity Lodge last weekend when I saw an ashtray near the outdoor fireplace. That kind of surprised me. Laity Lodge isn’t exactly the kind of place where people do a lot of smoking. In fact, I don’t think I’ve…
Thursday, April 5th. Maundy Thursday. My first ever Maundy Thursday service. I am fifty years old, but I am young at heart and ready to experience all things new. Saint Luke’s, how your beauty has broken my heart. Your priests have proved to be gentle and kind. The two I have met know my name…
Wednesday, April 4th. The 43rd day of Lent. Two books I commend to you. Einstein, a biography by Walter Isaacson. I loved this book so much that I decided to read it again in a year. That will be sometime in 2012. There is much about Einstein’s life that is charming. He was apparently a…
Tuesday, April 3rd. The 42nd day of Lent. First the Hamstring. For those who didn’t read my previous post, after almost a year of vigorous exercise and dieting, I was feeling pretty good about myself and eager to take my new body out for a spin. I played softball for the Saint Luke’s team and forgot…
Monday, April 2nd. The 41st day of Lent. There is a somewhat controversial program that many ambitious ministers try to implement in churches, mostly without success. I’m talking about the infamous “nametag” member identification strategy. The idea is that the members of the church wear nametags so that visitors and infrequent attenders can remember their…
Friday, March 30th. The 38th day of Lent. I’m at Laity Lodge this weekend. I write for this retreat center in a secret way, which I greatly enjoy. I rode up with Paul Soupiset, who has become such a close friend over the last couple of years. Somewhere between Boerne and Kerville, a funny sound…
Thursday, March 29th. The 37th day of Lent. In the early days of blogging, back before there were more blogs than people, the comments were much more interesting. It was kind of a novel thing to leave a comment. Early comment systems didn’t have spam filters or other controls. On my first blog, you couldn’t…
Wednesday, March 28th. The 36th day of Lent. I’m correct in thinking that everyone who does one of these “write every day in Lent” things is allowed at least one completely sucky entry, right? I hope so. Cause I’ve been on the computer all day writing articles for my clients AND meeting with a client…
Tuesday, March 27th. The 35th day of Lent. Okay, technically it wasn’t Welfare, but it was government assistance so let’s not split hairs. In November of 2007 Jeanene quit her job because Shelby was in a crisis and we needed an adult at home. Like many Americans we had health insurance through her job, but…
Monday, March 26th. The 34th day of Lent. I was pretty excited about the softball game on Sunday with the Episcopalians. It’s just a recreational league. No practicing or anything. Whoever shows up can play. I put on my extraverted personality and took the initiative to meet people. After all, I was the new guy…
Sunday, March 25th. The fifth Sunday of Lent. This morning I was in the Episcopal 101 class at Saint Luke’s. The priest teaching it came into the room, and I immediately sensed that something was wrong. I can’t tell you what made me think this. Something about him seemed heavy. As if he was carrying…
Saturday, March 24th. The 32nd day of Lent. I stole a pen recently without realizing it, so delighted was I by the way it felt in my hand, that it seemed as if it ought to be mine. It felt like my pen. If I had stopped to think about it, I would have realized I…
Friday, March 23rd. The 31st day of Lent. It’s a fascinating thing to try and make your way into the culture of a church. For years I watched this from the inside. Because who is more in the fold than the preacher, right? But now I am an outsider, attending services and wondering if there…
Thursday, March 22nd. The 30th day of Lent. The first Sunday I was at Saint Luke’s, I paid attention to all the people processing up and down the aisles. Episcopalians are big on procession. The more times up and down the aisle, the more people involved, and the more crosses and candles and banners, the…
Wednesday, March 21st. The 29th day of Lent. I’ve always been glad that I was born in 1961 because my life divides itself easily into decades. It’s a bit of an artificial division, but it seems as though each of the five decades I have lived represents a major stage of human development. The 60s…
Tuesday, March 20th. The 28th day of Lent. Of course, one of the dangers of writing from the unconscious and writing every night without much time to edit yourself is that everyone can see your shit. Take me for example. Something like twenty-five straight days of writing during Lent and how many of those are…
Monday, March 19th. The 27th day of Lent. Tonight I met Chris Chappell for a beer and conversation. When Chris’ family joined Covenant Baptist Church in 1990 he was a sophomore in high school. One of his sisters was an 8th grader. The other a 5th grader. Now Chris is in his 30s. He has…
Sunday, March 18th. The fourth Sunday of Lent. This morning Jeanene and I were attending the beginners’ class at Saint Luke’s. It’s a simple course on the Episcopal Church that is taught periodically for people who are new to Saint Lukes and possibly considering joining. It’s very strange being a novice in church. In my…
Saturday, March 17th. The 25th day of Lent. I never gave my mind to the Church. Never. Even when I was a small boy and every adult that meant something to me was some sort of authority figure in the church, when someone would read a Bible story and it was clear that everyone believed…
Friday, March 16th. The 24th day of Lent. What an amazing thing this Lenten writing discipline has been for me. The story so far: Depressed and desperate, I launch my anonymous Salon blog in December of 2002. I wasn’t sure why I did it. I had a sense that in this medium I could tell…
Thursday, March 15th. The 23rd day of Lent. Have you noticed that whatever you say about the world has a tendency to come true in your life and in the lives of the people you know? Do not take lightly this most sacred of human burdens. Gordon
Wednesday, March 14th. The 22nd day of Lent. I suppose there are numerous ways this could play itself out, but the point is that you and I cannot know what realities exist beyond our feeble powers of observation. Voyager has been traveling for 35 years and is just now leaving our solar system. And it’s…
Tuesday, March 13th. The 21st day of Lent. A few weeks ago I slipped into a worship service on a weeknight at a church that is not one I frequent. I thought it was going to be a Taize service with the expected chant songs and a more contemplative feel. As it turned out, the…
Monday, March 12th. The 20th day of Lent. Station Thirteen: Jesus dies on the cross. Luke 23:44-46 It was now about noon, and darkness came over the whole land until three in the afternoon, while the sun’s light failed; and the curtain of the temple was torn in two. Then Jesus, crying with a loud…
Sunday, March 11th. The third Sunday of Lent. Station Nine: Jesus meets the women of Jerusalem. Luke 23:27-31 A great number of the people followed him, and among them were women who were beating their breasts and wailing for him. But Jesus turned to them and said, ‘Daughters of Jerusalem, do not weep for me,…
Saturday, March 10th. The 18th day of Lent. I have been asked to write three prayers for the 2012 Covenant stations of the cross, which will be displayed and open to the public at Covenant Baptist Church during Holy Week. I will use my writing time the next three nights for this honored task. I…
Friday, March 9th. The 17th day of Lent. It’s been an interesting thing for this lifelong Baptist to be attending an Episcopal Church. I can’t say if we will join. I have a lot of ambivalence about church in general these days. I wonder what percentage of what goes on in churches is anything Jesus…
Thursday, March 8th. The 16th day of Lent. I think I’ll wrap up the Back to the Body series tonight. I’ve learned a few lessons over the last 10 months. Here they are. At the end I’ll offer some practical suggestions to anyone who is thinking about starting P90X. It’s interesting to me that my…
Wednesday, March 7th. The 15th day of Lent. I apologize for the length of this. But I started this thing, so I guess I’ll try and finish it. It took me four months to get through P90X the first time. It’s supposed to be 3 months but I had a number of nagging injuries and…
Tuesday, March 7th. The 14th day of Lent. You know Plyometrics is going to be bad before you even get started. During the warmup, Tony says they tried to hire some “hotshots” for this video, but they couldn’t handle it. So the people working out with him are from the first P90X class. You probably…
Monday, March 5th. The 13th day of Lent. In May of 2010 I began to exercise and eat in a more healthy way. After 5 months, I started to write about my journey in a series I called “Back to the Body.” I wrote part one in September and didn’t write part two until 6…
Sunday, March 4th. The 2nd Sunday of Lent. I posted something as “Pilgrim” at the Laity Lodge website. It will serve as my lenten writing piece for today. “In Tim you will find a strange combination of archetypal trickster and master chef. I call him Kokopelli – you’ll have to ask him why. It’s as…
Saturday, March 3rd. The 11th day of Lent. There are two common paths to writing for me. One is to open a hatch in my basement and reach into the soupy liquid of my unconscious mind. I move my hand back and forth until I find something with enough solidity for me to grab. I…
Friday, March 2nd. The 10th day of Lent. you do your best you do what seems right in your gut often maybe even mostly you dont know why you do what you do and somehow in the delightful mix of your sin and your sorrow and your joy the two of you bringing your best…
Thursday, March 1st. The 9th day of Lent. A day after I wrote that thing about compassion fatigue, a young minister friend contacted me. He is not long out of seminary and serving for the first time as the pastor of a church. Something about his email sounded urgent. He needed to talk. We got…
Wednesday, February 29th. The 8th day of Lent. I heard Ian Cron read from his memoir last year at Laity Lodge. He described a mystical experience he had on a Saturday morning when he was ten years old. He was riding his bicycle along a street lined with trees waving in a blue sky. Suddenly he…
Tuesday, February 28th. The 7th day of Lent. This post is a follow up to some things I wrote about on Saturday. If the mythic framework of your childhood world no longer satisfies, you can hit the highway and seek your metaphysical fortune in the wide world. These days, with the internet and global news,…
Monday, February 27th. The 6th day of Lent. There was this moment in 2009 when I knew for sure that I had to get out of the ministry. It was on a Wednesday night and a woman came up to me and told me there was a problem with a door knob on one of…
Sunday, February 26th. The first Sunday of lent. A very literal translation of Mark 1:12-13, part of today’s gospel text: “And immediately the Spirit cast him out into the wilderness. And he was in the wilderness forty days being tempted by the satan. And he was with the wild animals. And the angels waited on…
Saturday, February 25th. The fourth day of Lent. Rules for Living #29: Never Scoff at a True Believer A true believer is culturally unconscious. They are completely at peace with Mother Culture because they are unaware of her existence. They live in her womb, being nurtured by her, participating fully in her stories, and contributing…
Friday, February 24th. The third day of Lent. I don’t have much to say to God these days. No requests. No praises. No promises that I’ll be a better boy. It’s not that I have anything against talking to God. It’s just that I did so much of that for such a long time. I…
Thursday, February 23rd. The second day of Lent. There is a dog in my neighborhood that watches the world through a gap between two boards in the fence around his yard. When I jog by I can see one of his eyes peering out at me. He seems filled with fear at the tiny slice…
Lenten Blog 2012: Ash Wednesday Ash Wednesday – 10:00 pm Tonight Jeanene and I went to Saint Luke’s Episcopal Church, where we have been attending for about 8 weeks. We’ve been drawn, almost against our will, to this community of faith in San Antonio. Drawn by the undeniable beauty of their worship, which is put together…
A new pilgrim post is online at LaityLodge.org My wife and I were at the Laity Lodge New Year’s retreat at the end of 2011. Jerry Root, a C.S. Lewis scholar from Wheaton College, was the speaker. He did a couple of sessions on the classic problem of evil, using Lewis’ thoughts primarily from his…
Read part one here. In some ways, my journey back to the body began in my early 40s, when doctrinal Christianity started to lose its meaning for me. There’s only so much energy you can put into polishing your theology. While other people still seemed interested in arguing over the finer points of doctrine, I…
Not many people know this about me, but when I was young I was very athletic and active. I was a hyperactive boy; I ran more than I walked, fidgeted more than I sat still, and talked pretty much non-stop. If I had grown up in this generation I probably would have been heavily medicated.…
Amazing grace how sweet the sound That saved a wretch like me. I once was lost but now am found Was blind but now I see. When I was a boy resting in the bosom of my people, we spoke of the lost and of the found. Lost people were those who didn’t have faith…
Her body was ancient when this age began. And before her embodiment she was whispered from one savage ear to the next. She has suckled countless human generations, her stories the first they heard and her words their last benediction. She is older than human memory. No one knows her story.
Not everything I write for the High Calling is appropriate for the Squid. But I think maybe this piece is. In a documentary I recently saw, an Inuit child was happily romping around inside her family’s igloo. The interior temperature was just a tad above 32 degrees. She was naked. Human beings can adapt to…
Something drives a writer to words. Almost any motivation can have dignity, but you better damn well know what brings you to this work.
I’ve done this before. I started a blog called Real Live Preacher back in 2002. I wanted to write the truth as I understood it. I think I began that way at least. People started telling me I was a good writer, which of course I loved to hear. Weird how something so small and…