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RLP Archive

These are essays from the Real Live Preacher blog. 2002-2010

.9 of X

  Let this circle represent a pastor. Let x represent the reality of his life. X includes the best and the worst in him. X includes his secret sexual fantasies and the most selfish and harmful...

Greetings to the 2006 Freshman Class of Cornell University

Originally published in August of 2006 at Real Live Preacher. The big day is finally here; you’ve made it to college. You’ve worked hard to get into Cornell, and I assume you are giddy with...

Everett Joseph Smith was a real boy

This essay was never published online. It was written for the book (RealLivePreacher.com) and published in 2004. There were 9 essays only that only appeared in the book. The phone call came at night. Doesn’t...

Hollowed Be Thy Name

Originally published at Real Live Preacher in May of 2003. These people asked me to do a wedding in a hollow church. I shit you not. A hollow church. They found this place in Dallas. The...

You Ain’t Jesus, Preacher, Part One: The Tower of Babel

Everyone has identity issues now and again. Maybe you don’t know who you are or don’t like who you think you might be. Maybe you’re a little too close to your mother, or maybe...

I was only ever outside once

This piece was originally posted in February of 2004 and was intended to describe my experience as an anonymous blogger and my creepy feelings about how insulated Church culture is in our world. It...

All the Right Questions

A church man came to see me the other day. A churchy man, an important man in his church. A deacon I think, maybe. He came to see me and our little church. He...

A Love Letter for Redeemed Pagans and Lost Christians

There is only one righteous way for you to be saved if you’ve spent too much time in the Church. You must lay your religion down. Lay it down hard. Drop it. Leave it...

Seeing Gravity

For a brief period of time in 2001 I started seeing gravity, and my world turned into a slapstick comedy. It began when a woman dropped a book. The book flew out of her...

The Man in Black

Originally posted at RealLivePreacher.com in October of 2007 I saw him hitchhiking on the shoulder of I-35 the other day. He was walking with his back to the traffic and with his left thumb stuck...