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RLP Archive

These are essays from the Real Live Preacher blog. 2002-2010

A Love Letter for Redeemed Pagans and Lost Christians

There is only one righteous way for you to be saved if you’ve spent too much time in the Church. You must lay your religion down. Lay it down hard. Drop it. Leave it...

Mark Twain

A man once told me that he believes every word in the bible. I was struck dumb with amazement. He Believes Every word in the bible There is no part of that statement that makes sense to me. He...

The Man in Black

Originally posted at RealLivePreacher.com in October of 2007 I saw him hitchhiking on the shoulder of I-35 the other day. He was walking with his back to the traffic and with his left thumb stuck...

I eat TV preachers

I saw a TV preacher the other day. I was flipping through the channels, like men do, and there he was. A haircut with a floppy bible and a Plexiglas pulpit. He was pacing...

All the Right Questions

A church man came to see me the other day. A churchy man, an important man in his church. A deacon I think, maybe. He came to see me and our little church. He...

Elegy from Elton

I was driving the other day. The August sun was pounding on the car. Everything felt heavy. Things were moving slow and the traffic noise was incredibly intrusive, like it was from some other...

The Ministers’ Morgue

Originally posted in 2008 at RealLivePreacher.com. This story may only be online for a limited time, since it will be in the new edition of Turtles All the Way Down. I got the news that...

Greetings to the 2006 Freshman Class of Cornell University

Originally published in August of 2006 at Real Live Preacher. The big day is finally here; you’ve made it to college. You’ve worked hard to get into Cornell, and I assume you are giddy with...

Everett Joseph Smith was a real boy

This essay was never published online. It was written for the book (RealLivePreacher.com) and published in 2004. There were 9 essays only that only appeared in the book. The phone call came at night. Doesn’t...

The Preacher’s Story in Four Parts

This short autobiography was posted in four parts from December 14-21, 2002, the first month of Real Live Preacher. I've never liked it. It was roughly written, and I cringe when I read it....